Thursday, March 25, 2010

The Sweet Art of Techno-Intimidation

I've been working on my ability to intimidate my computer.

It is really effective. It works like this:

When your computer is running too slow/locking up/being stupid, you point at it and tell it - in a stern voice - what you want it to do.

Now at first it may not seem like anything is going to happen. You may even feel silly, like "I sure hope nobody sees me doing this. I probably look like a buffoon!"

But fear not, because you have already begun the process of becoming your computer's master.

And if you continue in your technological stare down, the computer will give in. Before you know it you will just be able to think what you want your computer to do and (after you've clicked the appropriate icon and waited long enough and maybe had an infuriatingly long discussion with tech support) it will HAPPEN!

Ahh! The sweet power of intimidation!

So tell me what you are using your mind powers to control.


buffalocalvary said...

Sometimes it is helpful to tell it you will rip out its guts and rearrange them in a new way.

Dave Farquhar said...

I used to keep my baseball bat next to mine. It seemed to help.

But seriously, if your computer is slow and locking up, pay a visit to and run their online scanner to see if your computer is infected with something. After that, run your security updates. It's literally been years since my computer locked up, and that's normal.